Perhaps that's confusing, given that I do go to AA.
Let's ignore all of the pervasive anti-AA sentiment for a moment (I'll deal with that later) and go forth with the knowledge that people who drank obsessively and compulsively to the great detriment of their lives have found a way to be sober, happy and engaged through this free, readily available and inviting program.
This is an indisputable fact for me. I've met them. Heard their life stories. Heard where drinking brought them. Heard what they believe AA did for them.
For the many that congregate in church basements collecting chips and announcing their alcoholism, AA helped save their lives.
As far as I'm concerned, anyone that wants to sit on the outside pointing out the flaws of such a free and vital service must not know someone who has reclaimed their lives from it.
See, I think alcoholism and addiction are tricky things. There's no singular answer that can apply to all people who deal with substance abuse. Is it genetic? Societal? A mental disease? Some combination? There's no medical test that can tell you if you're an addict. Do you go out drinking and partying every night because you want to? Or because you have to? Or somewhere in between?
What's the answer for when, for whatever reason, you reach a point when you want to stop but find you can't? Is it CAMH-style controlled abuse? Therapy, psychiatry, mood stabilizers? A mere matter of will power?
AA suggests it's a spiritual malady. Well, it's a three part affliction: physical, mental and spiritual. In rehab, these three states were described by the Three-Headed Dragon. The first head of the dragon is physical. Addiction is a chronic illness requiring a lifetime of attention. The second head is psychological. Addiction is a disorder with mental, emotional, and behavioral components. And the third head of the dragon is spiritual. Addiction is an existential state, experienced in isolation from others.
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous suggests we drink because of inherent nihilism:
"We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people - was not a basic solution of these bedevilment's more important than whether we should see newsreels of lunar flight?"
Carl Jung said:
"His craving for alcohol was the equivalent, on a low level, of the spiritual thirst of our
being for wholeness, expressed in medieval language: the union with God."
Maybe our first drink was out of curiosity, then we drank for sociability, but at some point, the alcoholic who could benefit from AA drank because they had to in order to make it through the day. Without our drink or our drug, we became overwhelmed with the existential rumblings that roll ceaselessly through our heads.
Knowing we need to stop is one thing. It's as Mark Twain quipped about tobacco, quitting is easy, he'd done it a dozen times. Getting an addict to stop without a strong support system in place will leave them in a very bad place. The addict has developed a strong belief system that their substance(s) of choice are inherently good, helping them to escape their mental and emotional traumas. Sitting around uselessly, attention wandering and goal-directed action waning in early recovery allows the mind to become distinctly pessimistic, a state that psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi says might actually be evolutionarily adaptive.
“The mind turns to negative possibilities as a compass needle turns to the magnetic pole, because this is the best way, on the average, to anticipate dangerous situations.” In the case of recovering addicts, this anticipation of dangerous situations is known as craving. The next step is often drug-seeking behavior, followed by relapse. Initially, our return to the substance is because we know it is our out, our brain has aligned it with being 'good', it will remove the existential danger.
When someone wants to rid themselves of their substance obsession, there is a distinct part of them that is aware of the fact that they are looking to rid themselves of the sole emotional and spiritual crutch that has gotten them through life for however many years.
To us, alcohol and drugs are not the problem, they are the solution.
So: It's not as easy as saying "Stop drinking," or "Stop using," and I wholeheartedly encourage all forms of help: counseling, therapy, support groups, etc. But in most places, on most days, an AA meeting is going on somewhere that is ready and willing to accept you and support you.
But back to how I opened this post.
Going to AA is terrifying. I was in a rehab facility which basically functioned as 24/7 AA and I was able to go in a large group of my peers to my first meeting, I cannot imagine taking that first step on my own. Many people talk about how they were in and out of the rooms at first, some for years before committing to the program. Others are quick to label it a cult, to mock it's workings, to not accept a single aspect of it.
So here's what I suggest to anyone who thinks they have a problem and wants to seek out help:
1. Find a meeting. I use www.aatoronto.org for my area, but www.aacanada.com/cdnmeetings.html will cover the entirety of Canada.
2. Be willing to check out several different meetings. Some I find that I don't relate to at all, others make me feel right at home. People have told me that any meeting is a good meeting, but I tend to disagree and have found meetings where I feel more accepted and those are the ones that tend to bring me back.
3. Once you find a meeting you like, make it your Home Group. It doesn't matter if you didn't quite understand what was said, or if parts made you uncomfortable, when the meeting is over, talk to someone that looks like they're comfortable in the room about making it your Home Group. Generally you can ask for a phone list and you'll feel more a part of the proceedings, plus it's a minor commitment that you're making to come back.
There's no use in toe-testing the waters, the more of an outsider you make yourself feel, the more likely you'll feel like an outsider. Y'know? It'll make it that much easier for you to just stop showing up.
4. Get a sponsor. At most meetings there will be a point where potential sponsors are asked to raise their hands. Take note of these people. Talk to one after a meeting. It's a minor commitment, no contracts are signed, you can even let them know you're looking for a temporary sponsor, which is very common in AA. Simply going to meetings won't wash sober living over you, it's about facing your own habits, your own thinking and doing the step-work and for that you need a sponsor.
5. Save your criticisms. Get involved. Talk. People at AA are very warm and open and happy to extend a hand and give a phone number. Sitting in the back and judging every person in the room will not help you.
I have done all of these things. I went so far outside of my old ways of dealing with situations like this and I truly believe that it helped me out greatly.
You have to want it though.
And as scary as AA and recovery might be, it's nothing compared to a continued cycle of abuse or white-knuckled sobriety where you're constantly just resisting the urge to go back to your old problem-solver.
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